Musings
Blogs - Bev Burkitt - MySpace Blog
Published on: Tuesday 21st November 2006
little, short, tiny, restricted growth...
web address: http://www.myspace.com/bevburkitt
I can empathise with people who struggle with how to describe my difference to the mainstream, as i still do myself.
I just felt today after yet another encounter with a complete stranger...that I should use myspace to spread the "gospel according to me".
This is only my opinion on being a different height than most people, it is not the same opinion as other people who are short statured. Let's clarify a few myths...we are not all related, we do not all live in the same town/village, we do not live in the woods either... and we have not met all the short people all over the world. But I am not a tall-ist heh some of my best friends are tall people..
Anyway for those of u out there still struggling with my difference or even your own, here are a few tips...
Comments to avoid if possible....I have given examples of the kinds of replies I always wish I had said after the event... I don't say them for fear of getting my head kicked in.. but the replies I have chosen would depend on my mood, how much time I have, who I am with, who says the comment and how loudly...best to just laugh a little too hard at their comment and walk away...
Comment 1: "Gosh ! you are small aren't u ?"
Replies:
"er yes and how would you describe your physical features while we are being so overfamiliar ?"
or
"well done, the observation skills u have are so good u r wasted as a taxi driver/street pedestrian.."
(i would use my initiative here depending on their current activity..)
Comment 2:"How tall are you exactly ?"
Replies:
"in cms or inches ?"
or
and u need to know because... you are going to buy me an article of clothing perhaps?"
or
"oh gosh I don't know, do u have a tape measure and we can find out right here in the street/ pub/ shop/ restaurant?.."
Comment 3: "What's the weather like down there?"
Replies:
"what today, yesterday, last winter..?"
or
"tv, teletext or your mobile downloads are good for that sort of information"
or
"I think it is probably about the same as the weather u are having".
Comment 4: "You should stop smoking it stunts your growth"
Replies:
"and you should become a comedian, u tell them old jokes so well and they are still the funniest are they not ?"
or
"you should stop being so fuckin' rude to people you don't know.. it stunts your personality and the possibility of decent friendships"
or
"actually I have never smoked a cigarette in my life..."
Comment 5: "Are all your family small like you ?"
Replies:
"are all your family as nice as you?"
or
"yep even my pets, I inject them with growth hormone therapy, in fact my mission in life is to take over the world and make everyone small like me.." (for best effect start quietly cackling and walking off rubbing hands menacingly...)
Comment 6:"Do u mind if I ask you a personal question ? "
Replies:
"Do u mind if i just walk off and ignore your intrusion of my privacy ?"
or
"Of course I don't mind, I tell complete strangers all my most personal details don't u ?" (then walk away...)
or
"Do you mind if I don't answer only I have a toothache"
Comment 7: "While you're down there..."
This is 'the' classic when I am stood at a bar and a guy spots my difference and thinks it would be a good idea to point it out to all his mates coz they will think he is a right laugh and hence a much better person to go out with.
Replies:
"See the big guy over there, yep the bouncer, well he's my boyfriend so I will just go and ask him if it is ok, he can get a bit nasty when he gets jealous..." (if you are feeling particularly vindictive then go over to the bouncer and start chatting to him.)
or
"Hmm tempted... can i have time to think about that offer ?"...
or
If I am sober I will wink and say "well heh boy ain't u gonna buy the gal a drink first ?"
or
If I am pissed and very very angry I will say very loudly and using my arms a lot... "wot u want me to go down on you right now in front of everyone in the whole pub and give you a blow job ? jeeshssh u must have a very understanding girlfriend/wife/partner ... oh here's me assuming an arshole like you who likes to make a joke of me being short to show off in front of your big mates would have anyone special in their lives who actually would give a damn wot u got up to... enjoy the rest of your evening.."
philosophically speaking now that i have had my rant and calmed down....
unless we are all different, how the heck are we going to tell each other apart? can u imagine the chaos if everyone looked exactly the same...can you ponder on that one for a moment. for example..how would the train ticket collector know who had shown their ticket and who hadn't ? and them poor kids faces as they leave the playground at hometime, my god any parent could take any kid home..add your own chaos here...
Difference is essential to our very existence. take a look around in nature today.. how would it be if everything was the same, we only had one mountain to stand on top of, one view to see, one kind of raindrop, one flower in the garden and in the meadow, one river, one ocean, one rock to stand on, one animal, one bug, one sand dune, u know where i am going here...nature is my example try it with art, music, books, just one of everything ...yawn wouldn't we all give up the will to live if that's what life on earth was really like...
look for Difference...then embrace and celebrate it.
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